


Knowing

by spudgun



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-07-13
Updated: 2002-07-13
Packaged: 2018-05-03 03:03:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5274068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spudgun/pseuds/spudgun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Krycek works out what Mulder wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knowing

**Author's Note:**

> Originally publicly posted [here](http://www.blue-moon-fic.livejournal.com/2396.html).

You want to redeem me, Mulder? The closest to redemption I’ll ever get is a pawn shop. Do you think that if only you search hard enough, you'll find that magic ticket, hand it over to the Devil and my soul will be returned? That then I will repent, and regret, and try to remake the past everyday just like you do? I've got a newsflash for you, Mulder – it ain’t gonna happen. What you see is what you get. My soul, blackened as it may be, is intact. I have regrets, I have morals: they just aren’t what you think you want them to be.

You know, at first I thought maybe you envied me, wanted to be me, a sad fucking wannabe hardman. I deal with that crap all the time, Mulder, and let me tell you, it’s about the saddest fucking thing on the face of this planet to see some gutless wonder try to be what he’s not: a sheep in wolf’s clothing, so to speak. It disapointed me to think that was all you were – that type is soon put out of their misery. They just don’t have what it _takes_. But then your father died, and you laid into me with all the fury of God and his righteous angels combined. And yeah, okay, that could have been the drugs, but since then you've beaten me enough times that we all know how in touch with your inner psycho _you_ are. So, that’s not it.

Face it, Mulder, what you want is me, not the me that I could be but the me that I am. When did you realise that you wanted me - the first time you saw me in the Bullpen in my crappy Sears suit and tie? I don’t think so. I think it was when you saw me in black leather and denim, when you knew _exactly_ what I was. And that’s because I am what you want, Mulder, dark and blood tinged and dirty. I am the archetypal bad boy, the leather-clad tough that good daughters run off with, and poor Mother never understands.

You don’t want to redeem me, Mulder. You don’t want to be me.

You just _want_ me.

So hurry up, Mulder, and get with the program, because I’ve never been a patient man.

**Author's Note:**

> Uploaded with minor edits for the most egregious of the punctuation errors. Young!Me was clearly a melodramatic little shit with an at-best tenuous grasp on SPaG.


End file.
